My man is away on work travel in Fiji and everything is breaking. I can’t get the car in gear. The kids broke the key off trying to open the mailbox, Paloma broke the laptop I use all the time, the kitchen sink clogged and I had to do some plumbing, the washer overflowed, all the IT is problematic, my Iphone is still dead from its trip down the toilet, AND I’m sick for the first time since I’ve been here. I’m tattered and worn.
Resentful, I sat down to email A a ‘honey’ do list of all the broken things to prepare him when he comes home and I realized it was 3-6-5. March 6, 2005, A and I got married in a small, surprise ceremony with 22 friends and close family. Ten years ago, today I was dressed in a white gown, riding in a very fast limo with my BF – running late to the tiny, cold, candlelit stone chapel on south mountain. My grandmother awaited in her finest fur coat and orange lipstick. Friends helped sprinkle rose pedals, light candles and tweak the propane heater we rented. Both my brothers were miraculously in the same place at the same time and my dad had just been told he was to walk me down the aisle in 10 minutes.
As the memory quickly flashes across my mind, it all catches me by surprise. Snapped out of my own self pity and sore throat, I noticed too that I was listening to Krista Tippets interview with Thich Nath Hahn On Being. Compassion, gratitude and forgiveness are hallmarks of the monk’s philosophy on living. Mine too. In theory anyway.
And so, I scratched the honey-do list for this one.
Thanks A, 10 Things I’m Grateful For On our Anniversary
1) Thanks for a great love story. My first and only true love. From our first non verbal notice of each other in chemistry class in 1995 to falling in love over Bauer skate boxes, jujitsu lessons behind the ice rink and all night conversations in the VW Jetta. It was unconventional and magical. I can only hope our daughters have such a beautiful and charmed experience in their life.
2) Thanks for your persistence with my family. Daddy Ty and brothers Rudy and Willy aren’t an easy group to sway. after years of painful, awkward encounters, you still persisted, unaffected by their rejection. And now, our strong bonds will affect future generations. I deeply cherish this.
3) Thanks for you patience with me. Undeterred by my absolute, stubborn unwillingness to hike the Annapurna Circuit in Nepal with you, you waited, albeit annoyed, until I came around. You always push and persist, not letting me give into my own fears. Always giving me the time I need to say yes and never throwing it back in my face.
4) Thanks for being an awesome birth partner. Moments we will always hold as high marks in our adventure together. I have never valued your presence more than during those hours our babies made their way into our world. I have never surrendered so deeply to the unknown or felt so supported, encouraged and respected by you. (except in the beginning when we always get in a big fight because I want to be alone and you want to be with me).
5) Thanks for being an extrovert. You, single-handedly, bring balance to me and to our family. You take us out, bring us adventure, keep us social and demand we LIVE life instead of DO DISHES all weekend.
6) Thanks for the 30 second snuggle. The secret to long-lasting relationships. Really, its only 30 seconds.
7) Thanks for being interesting. You keep yourself fresh, informed, up to date on all kinds of stuff. You can spew off random facts and cool stories and teach the kids, or me, about anything we ask. You are curious, clever and forward moving. Stagnation and boredom are not in your life. I love this.
8) Thanks for holding up the mirror and holding me accountable for my faulty perception of myself. Although this is the most painful aspect of a relationship, it is the one I ultimately value the most. I grow and evolve and improve because of you.
9) Thanks for breaking my heart a few times. It may sound weird, but I know I have loved deeply and madly and lost. I have learned a great deal from my suffering and it gives me empathy and insight into all other forms of suffering. It teaches me forgiveness and humility and the opportunity to be vulnerable over and over again.
10) Thanks for taking care of yourself. You have self-respect. You set a good example of how to stay happy and balanced for me and our children. And it doesn’t hurt that you still look as handsome as ever to me. And with much better shoes.
Happy Anniversary my love. 1995-2015. Lets go for 20 more.
March 6, 2015 at 1:25 am
What a great anniversary post! A pleasure to read.
I do feel great sympathy for you having to deal with malfunctioning tools on so many fronts. I think you deserve lots of points:)
March 6, 2015 at 1:26 am
Oh and last but definitely NOT LEAST. I hope you feel better soon. It all sounds very overwhelming.
March 6, 2015 at 2:00 am
This had me weeping all over my pregnant self.
A good gratitude reminder for all couples.
March 6, 2015 at 3:26 am
Beauty in a its forms blossoms in the hint of light and the rememberance of gratitude. Your story than reminds all who read to indeed breath, take an accounting of what is good and in that shift to see a much bigger story than what we are currently sitting in or I should say that’s what it does for me. Sending Reiki for your cold and all the mad skills I learned along the way (my least favorite plumbing as it always seems to be like dominos when I touch it.
You’re writing and your anniversary and love are a huge blessing. Love you